I tried to drown my little boy this morning. You might wonder who would leave a child alone with me, but Meg trusts me enough to go back to teaching preschool two days a week. So on Tuesday and Thursdays it is me and little man (I flipped off days and work from home during his naps.)
Of course the flood wasn’t a life preserver moment. Instead I warmed and put together a bottle. Started feeding, but Ezekiel kept gurgling and choking and crying. Why wouldn’t he eat? I assumed it was what I lack compared to Meg’s abilities… but then a mouthful of milk spilled from his mouth and he choked again.
In that moment I remember bottles have speeds. Right there looking back at me was “Rapido”, the other side said “Fast”. I switched to “Lento” and we were happy men again.
It is amazing what my conscience brain forgets, but the information is still stuck in the recesses of my brain. Sometimes its a moment from my past completely forgotten until someone mentions a detail or a song plays or a smell. There are times in Spring when there is a certain pollen in the air (maybe a pollution), I will walk out the front door and flashback clearly to times with my Gramps and Grandma in LA.
Today, right when I saw “Rapido” all my baby bottle knowledge poured into my mind. I even remembered registering and buying bottles. Granted it would have been nice five minutes earlier, so I would have stopped trying to drown my child. But this is how memory works – we often forget the crucial details. Especially when there is a task at hand.
Something else I noticed today. Ezekiel sleeps an hour and half, then wakes up for the same time. So I am constantly bouncing between one role to the other. I am a dad, then a pastor, then.. I know time with Ezekiel is so important, so fleeting, but the little work tasks kept invading my mind. It is easy to forget the real priority and be flooded by the junk. (Don’t worry; he is sleeping as I type!)
I had no idea “Lento” was slow in Spanish. My High School Spanish is lost beyond the recesses of my brain. But how appropriate. Tomorrow the season of Lent begins with Ash Wednesday. Through forty days we are called to prepare and to remember the most important things in life. The culmination of which is God coming down, that the creator may have a relationship with His creation. God’s love culminates in Easter. But we will have to lent – to slow down – if we want to receive the Savior’s love.