“Turn on the music, so I can practice my dancing! Because I am going to dance with Uncle Jake and Aunt Chrissy at their wedding.” ~ Phoebe
My little brother is getting married this weekend. I get the honor of performing the ceremony – which, I remind myself, IS an honor. At the same time, it is a lot easier to sit in the crowd. With honor comes responsibility.
A few years ago, after often being an usher, I was finally a groomsman. I guess I am many folk’s 7th best friend (in this wedding I was the seventh groomsmen), but I was excited to be one of the top guys. That is until I realized my role – which was to stand. And I stood, next to a flowing fountain, trying not to fidget. I listened to the a song written by the groom. Then I listened to the song again, after sound issues caused the guitarist to start over. Then the pastor started into his acrostic, “C is for cookie…” Or something like that, all I know for sure is that he did not understand my philosophy of short and sweet… So, while the service drug over an hour, all I could hear was the pattering of fountain water.
In that moment I knew I always wanted to be an usher. It is better to be seventh (or eighth, in this case) and in the back talking…
unfortunately dreams do not come true, since I have now bypassed ushering possibilities and become the default minister. At least I know the message will be short.
BUT, even short, I still have the responsibility of giving advice. After 10 years of marriage, I do not know how to describe the changes in our relationship. More importantly, I am not sure I could have understood the changes on our lovestruck wedding day. When, as the groom, I was ready to skip the reception and head straight to the honeymoon… I was sure every day would be loving romance. But sweet nothings end.
For example, I looked again into a basket Megan gave me before we got married. In the basket were 100’s of little notes, tied with ribbon. Each bore a handwritten message declaring something she loved about me. One read, “how you lose everything and find it again” … if only this is something she still loved about me!!
But even as these sweet nothings end, there is a deeper love that develops. It develops in the midst of struggle. In the midst of lost wedding rings (thankfully I am still finding things – though at times it takes weeks), in the midst of paying bills, in the midst of raising children – in the midst of life we learn to trust one another. We learn to rely on one another. We become one in ways that go far beyond any physical touch. Because now we live life as one.
And this is good. A responsibility worth every effort. It is love. And I look forward to finding the love the next years will bring.