After a week bound by worries, I have a few thoughts… (For details read Part One and especially Part Two.)
Google searches are not helpful. Yes, Google knows everything. But it also makes you worry about everything.
Related to this, we live in a world that offers access to huge amounts of information. The world has always held huge amounts of information, but only recently has that information flowed easily into our minds. This is often a great blessing. It gives us perspective. Helps us think beyond ourselves. Enables us to reach out and help. But at times the information makes problems too big to manage. World events can become hopeless or make us rage against things we can not control. In part because so much of the information comes without the answer.
In our own situation, we were told our baby had a probable genetic defect. What type? The possibilities were endless. As I pondered each possibility I would come to grips with the potential. I could see the difficulty, but also see blessing. Then there was another… okay, I can handle that… another… another… My desire to plan was overwhelmed. I needed to trust God, but all I was able to do was panic under a load of possibilities.
I still do not understand why we saw the genetic counselor first.
The most overwhelming moment for me was the genetic counselor. I am not sure the purpose of the strategy, but she was set on explaining the many struggles we could face. Short bones. Spatial disorders. Heart problems. Difference in physical appearance. Mental deficiencies. And on and on. As someone who wants to fix everything or at least be prepared, I was overwhelmed.
Yet it was apparent she was also overwhelmed. So my pastoral side kicked in and I found myself encouraging her… while my sinful brain ranted, “aren’t you supposed to be counseling me!” (Life is occasionally the old cartoon, with a demon on one shoulder and an angel on the other!)
Prayer is Good.
This is so obvious, but when was the last time our church was called into unplanned immediate prayer? I am so glad Tim was brave enough to step forward. We should do this more often!
Of course the prayer did not end with the worship service. Folks continued and continue to pray. I am convinced this made all the difference. And I am thankful. I am thankful for you. And especially for the grace of God. It is …
I have admittedly been a mess for a week. And I left the perinatal office relieved, but still overwhelmed. I was no longer overwhelmed by fear, but by blessing. I did not deserve this moment. I felt guilty to be so blessed. We often complain about the bad things in life – because we expect good. At some level we believe we deserve the good. But my expectations were different. I expected bad and got good. A reversed perspective changed my whole experience.
We live in a broken world. It is a place where we might expect bad things to happen, yet so many good things occur. So many, we often expect good. Yesterday it was amazing to be surprised by grace. Surprising things are often so good. Thanks be to God.